Communication to a relationship is like oxygen to life. Without it… it dies. ~Tony Gaskins
Just another day in paradise.
I mentioned in the beginning, that we would talk once in a while about our love, and how we stay happy as a couple.
I believe that our biggest success hands down, is that we communicate. I don’t just mean “Hey you, what do you want for dinner?” either. To us, that is just a passing thought. What I mean is TALK. Not spit out one short sentence here and there.
Communication is key, for any successful relationship.
Jim and I both come from failed marriages. That is what society calls them anyway. Doesn’t matter the circumstances, doesn’t matter why – if you get divorced, that is a “failed marriage”. Anyone will tell you that.
Well hubby and I call them “lessons”.
When my honey and I started talking, way before we even thought about dating each other, we both were free to just talk about our past experiences and such. Simply because there wasn’t the added pressure at the time, of trying to “perform” or be “perfect”… after all, we were just friends. Nothing more. So we decided then and there that we could trust and be open with each other, and that is when our true communication began.
We would talk for hours on end, each and every day:
- About nothing.
- About something that had happened that day.
- About our individual futures (remember, just friends at the time!).
- About our jobs.
- About funny stuff.
- About our likes and dislikes.
- About our past marriages.
- What we would like to do down the road, or what goals we foresee in the future.
- What we would absolutely not put up with (ie, non-communication, cheating, etc).
- How things made us feel as we discussed our past.
And remember, we were only friends… no, actually more than just friends, we became each others best friend. We had confided things to each other that we wouldn’t even tell some of our closest friends. So by the time we decided to meet face to face for the first time, well over a year later, we already knew pretty much everything about each other and trusted each other completely.
The number one thing that we decided (before we ever thought about meeting face to face) was that we would end up with someone who loved to communicate. Since he and I had done SO much communicating for over a year prior to ever even meeting in person, that aspect of our newfound relationship was not an issue. We decided then and there if this was going to work… if we ever stopped communicating, that the relationship would be over. We both knew this going into our relationship.
Ever since we got married, the communication had thoroughly progressed to the point where it was very natural. We now talk before going to work. We talk about our day when we get home from work. We make time to laugh and talk before we go to sleep. We communicate with each other before going places, and especially when making big decisions. We discuss trips we want to take, our future, where we want to be in 5 years, 10 years, etc.
Of course we are happy! But we are not perfect. When one of us has a rough day at work, or maybe a high stress situation unrelated to our relationship, we do tend to individually get quiet. HOWEVER. Having said that, for example if I think I may have done something to upset him, I go to my hubby and ask him about it. He tells me that it has nothing to do with me, and that he is in his “box”.
A “man box” is something women will never understand! LOL But that is a story for another day and time. Oh yes, we shall discuss this “man box” in the future. 😛 I will get Jim to write about that himself!
Once I know he is in his box, I know to just leave him alone, and eventually (usually that night or the next day) he is out of his box and ready to talk about whatever it was he was mentally processing. My point being, he lets me know I did nothing wrong. And that makes me feel comfortable enough to just let him process whatever is on his mind. Same goes for me (except mine isn’t a cute little neat square box – it is a HUGE hairball – and as a female, I am usually processing 856 things at one time). 🙂
Communication is key in our relationship. As long as we let each other know we are ok, processing something, or stressed ‘but it’s not about you’, we have this system down where we are comfortable knowing we will discuss it at a later time, no matter what it is. We just need to give each other a little time or space.
One last thing. We talk about everything. There is nothing that we cannot broach. We are very transparent with each other, and that makes a big difference!
Until our next adventure~