I wasn’t going to post about anything serious, but I feel the need to do so today.
Today is exactly 14 months to the day since my Moms diagnosis with brain cancer. The number 14 scares me. I don’t know why. She was diagnosed November 10, 2016. We were all SO blessed to have her for another holiday season in 2017.
You know, with something as deadly as glioblastoma 4, every day is a blessing because tomorrow is not promised.
Not to anyone.
When she was first diagnosed, I went into a great depression. I wanted (and still do want!) to know why she got this, even though I will probably never know. Someone so fit and healthy- very few colds in her life, only one surgery over 5 decades ago (appendectomy) but no other health issues, could come down with something so vile and disgusting.
Over the past 14 months, I have turned this around -very delicately and slowly- into a blessing… please hear me out. NOT a blessing as in I’m glad she has this monster! But a blessing in this way…
Even though this wretched thing is claiming her mind, body and actions… I still have my Mom. If you think about how many millions of us lose family members and friends INSTANTLY in accidents such as in a car wreck or a massive unexpected heart attack, etc. Even though my hero warrior, my Mom is never to be the same again- memory impaired with things to come that I can never comprehend a human so gentle and sweet going through with this monster… TODAY, this minute… I still have her. I can hug her. Tell her I love her, even if she doesn’t remember. Get lots of photos and video of her as well.
I have been blessed to “know” that she will eventually WIN over this thing and depart to heaven: compared to losing her instantly, without being able to say my goodbyes.
I’m still on that extremely delicate internal battle line here and am just putting my thoughts out there for others that may understand. So please be gentle and understanding with me as I try to lay out my thoughts. I count every single day as a blessing, so that I can, as a human, selfishly gain the closure that I need so that I can exist in a semi-normal fashion after she wins this battle and no longer has to suffer with this incredibly ugly mess.
I’ve learned through my precious Mom in the year 2017 alone, never to take life for granted. Life IS short. And I need to pick myself up by the bootstraps and start loving those around me… including myself.
Again, tomorrow is not promised to anyone. So love while you can, if not only for yourself.